Friday, Sept. 2, 2011

Weekend Speaker:  Ben Sigman

Read:  Ecclesiastes 4:9-10; 1 Thessalonians 5:11; Proverbs 12:26                 

Think:   In Ecclesiastes 4, Solomon describes the value of friendship and partnership in the image of the well-known three-stranded cord. When we enter into relationship with another person, be it a spouse, friend or a co-worker, we each bring a strand that helps form a stronger cord than if stood alone and independent of one another. But when the two people in relationship are fortified, when God is added as the third strand‑that combination creates a very strong force in our lives and the world around us:

“…a cord of three strands is not quickly broken.” (Ecclesiastes 4:12).

As I read these words I see an offer of hope and promise but I also see a wise caution as well. Any relationship where a foundation of shared faith is present, it will be much harder to dissolve and break that bond. But on the other hand, the statement is making it clear: even three-stranded cords can be eventually broken  if we do not take care of them.

How can we change that? How can we make sure our relationships stay strong, that we are able to continue to support and help each other when we fall? Pastor Ben gave us some ideas about what life-giving relationships require of us to make (and not break) bonds: (1) intentionality, (2) availability, (3) honesty, (4) investment and (5) vulnerability.

As I reflected on these qualities, I realized that as I had been struggling at work for the last couple of years to improve my annual performance rating, this year as I read and reflected on my manager’s comments in my review write-up, I saw how these qualities had played out over the course of the past 12 months.

• Intentionality: At the start of the review year, I told my manager that I had a new intent: to get promoted to the next level. He assured me that if that was my intent, he saw me as able to do it and I would have the opportunities I needed to move ahead. He agreed to contribute to that as a viable outcome and he was committed to making sure he helped me understand what that would require of me.

• Availability: My manager remained available to me by keeping our weekly 1:1s and even extending them to talk through issues or challenges I felt I needed to better understand to grow my performance.

• Honesty:  In the past, I didn’t receive some of his criticism well. I decided I needed to welcome any and all feedback I could get from him and anybody else that was offering it. My manager did give me continuous, honest feedback throughout the year. And I made it clear I was now taking it in, receiving it and accepting it, responding (not reacting) to it by my follow up decisions and actions.

• Investment: Where I needed additional time to learn a new skill or take a training class, I felt supported and encouraged to do so. And I made sure to show my manager the return on that investment in the work choices I made afterward.

• Vulnerability: By being willing to listen, to grow, and to change I made it clear to my manager I was being vulnerable. I wasn’t just focusing on what was easy or within my reach. I made higher than comfortable targets for goals, setting bars that I knew I might not reach. In truth, I didn’t reach all of them. But what’s interesting was that as I started to show I was really pushing and challenging myself, my manager did something he hadn’t done in the past years. He started to share some of his own difficult work-life lessons, and passed on to me his learnings and the things that helped him really grow. In short, because I chose to be more vulnerable (in this case, humble) with him, he chose to share more with me than he might have felt comfortable doing otherwise.

Even though my intention wasn’t fully realized (I didn’t get the promotion this year), I got a really positive performance rating – higher than I expected. I received very solid praise from my manager for the ways I worked and the changes I brought about in the organization. Most significantly, I added the all-important “third strand”: I made a point of repeatedly and daily inviting God into my work life! Each day in prayer, asking Him to help guide me in all situations as well as to be present in all areas of concern at work. I know that made a critical difference in bringing new life back to what had felt for a long time like a dead-end job and a stalled career path.

Do:   Think about how you have an area or relationship in your life where you feel it is stalled or lacking the vitality and growth you desire. What can you do—either today, this week, this month or this year—to bring increased intentionality, availability, honesty, investment and vulnerability back into that part of your life?

Pray: God, I know that I can’t make it on my own to the places I most desire to reach. That only in you are all things in my life strengthened, only in adhering to your ways and your truths are all my wrongs eventually righted for me. Help me to remember to trust you first, to team with you in the way I handle my relationships and commitments so that you might guide and grow me to the highest possible purpose you have for my life. Amen.