Theme:   Love Sex and Marriage - Conflict

This eDevotional was written by a volunteer from Timberlake Church

READ: James 4:1-3

THINK: My husband is a natural at the Texas Two Step. In fact, when we get on a dance floor, clear out because he’s got me spinning and twirling like a top. We actually only know a few moves, but when we do them over and over, we look pretty fancy. Watch out Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers!

Marriage is a dance- two people partnering to bring about something complex and beautiful. People who are good at the dance get training, and instruction. They practice and practice, trying to get the dance just right. One may be better at rhythm, while the other is better at strength. But both complement each other, creating a dance together that neither could do apart.

But what if one partner’s toes get stomped? What if one doesn’t want to practice? What if someone else wants to cut in? How can the partners respond to these things without sabotaging the dance?

When two partners try to control and judge and change the other person, the dance gets really messy, and even painful. We tug and pull and push and elbow each other into doing what we want. And sometimes we mistake all this heart thumping intensity for intimacy. But it’s really not. It looks more like a boxing ring than a dance floor.

The opposite is true, too. Some marriages look more like line dancing. Each person is dancing his/her own steps, but neither shares togetherness with the other. They are more like room-mates than spouses. There may not be a lot of friction, but there’s not a lot of intimacy either.

The Apostle Paul writes, “If you have any encouragement from being united in Christ, any comfort from his love, if any fellowship with the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then… be like minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose” (Philippians 2:1-3).

The purpose, at least for this analogy is to dance a great dance. Learn the moves and practice the steps. Work hard at the things that don’t come easy, and learn to move with each other instead of against each other. Hire a dance instructor who can teach you the next steps.

True intimacy is when two partners are able to share each other’s life purpose and experiences without judging or trying to change the other. We accept each other fully, without pre-condition, and we seek to show our partner the same love and appreciation we extend to ourselves.

The music is still playing, so ask your partner to give it another whirl.

DO: Talk about how to make a better dance with your partner.

PRAY: Jesus, this marriage thing can be really difficult. Help me to look inward to the things you want me to change about myself. Help me to establish a sense of self-control in my relationship instead of “other-control.”